I dedicate the following performance to our nation's founding fathers for creating such an awesome country and to illegal immigrants for keeping it clean and well-landscaped:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNaXIT3tb6E
For those of you interested, I provided my vocal chords, free of charge, for the National Anthem Project in order to help save music education programs in schools throughout the country. No doubt my abilities made a definite impact on the amount of money being allocated to such a fine cause, and in return I'd like to say "You're welcome." Besides, I couldn't resist sharing my voice with the rest of the city and singing one of my favorite songs of all time. These colors don't run, motherfucker.
hello there, 'tis me again. while the year 2005
was a year of many things, it was not the year of haideeee breaking
promises. so since i repeatedly promised a longer entry, here is
a real update. believe me, this is going to put SISPOOMBAH to shame, theoretically. and yes, i am aware that it's a few days after 2005, but blamemargot for that. (speaking of margot, do you know where they send jewish kids with ADD? concentration camps!)
now that i've got your full attention (ba dum KAH) here's my
year-in-review for movies, organized in a completely random
fashion. feel free to disagree with what i say, i won't respect
your opinions anyway. in fact, if the university of southern
california has taught me anything, it's that i have the right to be a
stubborn, pretentious bitch. so here we go!
TWO MOVIES THAT WERE SO BAD I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN THEM:
ALONE IN THE DARK i honestly cannot recall a single thing about this
movie. tara reid was a scientist who wore glasses though, and i
remember thinking that was funny because no matter how good i am at
suspending disbelief i could never suspend it enough to think that tara
reid is anything more intelligent than semi-retarded. judging
from the movie poster, it's probably about things with sharp teeth
growing inside of people. i think something similar happened to
margot once.
Tara Reid desperately
trying to multi-task by simultaneously taking notes about nothing and
attempting to form a coherent thought.
WHITE NOISE
this movie had the scariest movie trailer i've ever seen. unfortunately, watching the trailer 500 times in a
row would be scarier (and more exciting) than watching the real
thing. the only thing i remember about the movie is michael
keaton rescuing a baby from a car and this one man who had the scariest
double chin ever. it was so freakish that it didn't even look
like a double chin, it was like a horrible floppy tumor that was
growing out of his neck.
TWO MOVIES THAT THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE HATED BUT I ENJOYED IMMENSELY:
HOUSE OF WAX
even though the contrast on my tv is so horrendous that it's like
watching two black bears battle each in a cave that has never seen the
light of day (for the stupid people, i mean that it's impossible to see
anything), i still managed to enjoy myself
greatly while watching this masterpiece. not because it's
OMGSOFUNNYLOL to see paris hilton run around and try to string words
together, but because
the crazy guy snipping off elisha cuthbert's finger with a pair of
pliers was an unexpected surprise. "prey. slay. display." pretty
much says it all.
LOL LOOK IT IS PARIS WUT IS SHE DOIN??? ROFL
THE FOG a lot of people are
way too hard on horror movies. this one was
about the ghosts of lepers walking around trying to kill tom welling,
selma blair, and the chick from lost. the ending was really
abrupt and random. it also addressed a lot of heavy-handed issues
like single parenthood and unknowingly being the reincarnation of a 200
year old leper.
MOVIE WITH SOME OF THE MOST RETARDED COSTUMES I HAVE EVER SEEN:
RENT
why why why why why why: Not only did Joanne wear the pants it the relationship, but she also wore the tie and suspenders.
ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING INDIE MOVIES:
THE SQUID AND THE WHALE
i don't really have much to say about this one, except that it's
another one of those annoying indie movies with quirky characters and
aimless plot. it has a really high rating on imdb though, so
obviously some people felt cool and underground while they were
watching it.
TWO MOVIES THAT HAD NO RIGHT ON THE BIG SCREEN:
MARCH OF THE PENGUINS
i don't have anything against penguins, but i have no idea why this was
released in theaters. "miraculous", "riveting", and "amazing"
aren't exactly the words i would choose to describe the movie, since
it's basically a really long pbs show that you have to pay $7.50 to
see. i would have rather just turned on my tv and watched
it for free and then paid $100 for a FUCK YOU TEXAS
Ouch, tough luck! You are Heidi. You are fluent
in nine different languages, a black belt in
karate, capable of playing any instrument you
touch, charming yet mysterious, and stunningly
beautiful. To put it simply, you are
"special."
